You can't win 'em all.

As a type A overachieving first-born, I really hate that statement. But sadly, there is truth to it, as demonstrated by tonight's dinner fail.

This dish perfectly captures the essence of the phrase "looks can be deceiving." What appears to be juicy strips of chicken breast cooked in minced garlic, olive oil, and a touch of butter topped with a creamy Parmesan sauce sprinkled with scallions on a bed of linguine is actually dry chicken chunks with a lumpy and awkward tasting cheese sauce littered with squishy green onions that rub against your teeth in the most displeasing of manners.

I really don't know where I went wrong. It looked good. It smelled good cooking. It tasted good for the first, oh, minute or so. And then it only tasted so-so. A minute after that, I just didn't want to eat it any more. I had already decided I didn't much like it at all when Josh sat down to eat. I watched his face turn from one of delight to one of confusion and ultimately displeasure before I let him know he needn't worry: this is not going in the recipe box!

I have at least three serious complaints about this recipe (which I won't even bother to type out thereby sparing you the disappointment of this dinner disaster). First, the dry chicken. I think this happened because the directions say to remove the chicken from the pan you cooked it in, setting it aside on a plate. When I came back to my chicken, all the juices had run out of it, and what little that remained were certainly gone by the time I sliced up the chicken.

Second, the weird sauce. I couldn't quite place the taste. It kind of reminded me of what my mom's leek soup would taste like sans the potatoes if you poured it over linguine and added chicken. It was just weird. Furthermore, the Parmesan didn't melt down nicely like it does when I make alfredo sauce, creating awkward cheese lumps as the sauce cooled on your plate. This might be because the sauce was cooked in a skillet (like the directions said!) rather than in a saucepan; I don't know.

Finally, there are few things in the world that I hate more than when food, especially scallions, rubs up against your teeth and squeaks in your head. Maybe that's just me, though.

As a result of tonight's food foux pas, I plan to do what any good chef would do at this point: throw all the leftovers away, save the pasta for something else, and bake cinnamon rolls. 

You just can't screw up cinnamon rolls.